Ahh blogging, my friend. It’s been pretty much forever. A wholesome two years of fun, frolic, love, lust, greed, heartbreaks, sniffles, gluttony, whimpering, pride, false pride and of course bankruptcy. Notice how it goes from good to bad to worse. Whatever. My latest entry is an inspiration from the category of populace we all call “losers”.
Now sadly yet frankly, I don’t have a kinder way to put it. A loser is a loser. Period.
Naturally we all avoid them, despise them, taunt them, mock them, imitate them (lowest form of humour, I’m serious) and we do not miss an opportunity to really really hate them.
AHAA! I see a prospect. Bad clothes, bad hair, blah blah, there you have it! A loser!!!
Before I get to the part about there are no losers, let me explain why they play an important role in boosting our self esteem. LOL
I know im going to be thrashed for this post, but no harm meant to anyone. Just for your literary pleasure. Back to topic.
Losers are the means to our social bliss. HOW? Now heres a list of WHY you should hang out with losers
1) Losers have no where to go. And no friends. Hence they worship you for giving them a chance and your precious time.
2) Its a ninety percent chance your friends are ass holes and theyre going to turn on you. You need back up.
3) The losers never turn on you. They respect the fact that you spend time with them and are always ready to return the favour.
4) Losers are like social virgins. Winners in the making. So you have a chance to exercise your social skills or should I say experience. You can mould them the way you want them
5) They laugh at your jokes. Funny or not.
6) You get the highest importance
7) They invite you to visit their hometown which is generally an awesomely scenic place.
8) They are extremely smart as they don’t get a chance to have any fun so they concentrate on academics
9) They teach you the tough (and easy) subjects and do all your homework
10) You teach them how to copy in the exams
Still thinking of more reasons to be friends with a loser! There you have it. Ten big reasons. You can be the boss. Get out there and find the losers and CONSUME them. Haha
Right i forgot to mention why there are no losers in this world and why its wrong to call people losers. (blech. Read social and personal obligation)
People are just different and think different. We all cant be alike and be cool and the miscellaneous slang words we use to describe ourselves. The reason we are different is only because of our lifestyles. We differ in our sense of humour, our ability to understand, our need for attention, our self esteem and so much more. So each of these traits comes in mixed proportions in different people. Thats why the thin people are ugly and the fat people are beautiful. (You might be an exception and your mostly ugly either way. Get over it)
So the moral of the story is, work your way to the foundation of the social ladder. Cause thats where the action is! If you cant or wont, seriously youre a loser. Please read the paragraph dedicated to you and also for your mental healing, do visit www.mommysaysimnotaloserimjustspecial.com
Cheers!
Thursday, September 2, 2010
Wednesday, November 19, 2008
What is the purpose of our life?
This article is for spiritual people. Or for those of you who believe that a God exists. Or some super natural force that has control over the world.
What is the purpose of our life? Why are we here on this earth? When and will we ever know the purpose of our life?
I’ve always had this primeval long standing theory that we come to earth as part of a journey. Earth is our learning stop. Just like we drive cars and stop for fuel to go on. Earth is like that for us. We are all souls who choose that we want to come into the world and choose our family and friends. And then we come to earth with a purpose. And once we are finished with that, we go back to the heavens. Or wherever we came from.
Before we come to the earth, we are given a purpose in life. God tells us why we need to go to earth. So in a way, yes we do know why we are here. But the predicament is, we cant remember why!
I know that may sound a bit bizarre. But lets contemplate over it a bit more. Now god tells us why he needs us to go to earth. And its up to us to complete our mission.
Now why is it that we cant remember what our purpose is? The reason is, if we did remember why we came onto earth we would finish our purpose really hastily and wish to go back to heaven.
Heaven! This is the only word in the world that may possibly have no accurate definition. Heaven to me is this striking place where everything is right and we can live the way we want and do the things we want not having to fret about anything. We can be assured of the almighty’s unconditional love for us. He is always there to talk to us and make everything just perfect. Heaven according to me is the most perfect place and we all come to earth from there. We all look at earth as a school like I mentioned earlier. So when we are in heaven and everything is just perfect, no body wants to come to earth. But we have to if we want to learn. And this is where we choose our families and everything else. Now before coming to earth, we are aware of our purpose. But once we are on earth, that memory gets expunged along with all other memories of heaven and of talking to and being with God. Now its up to us to draw nearer to him and recognize him as the most highest. If we knew of our purpose in life, we would want to finish it quickly and go back to heaven. We would wake up every morning knowing what we have to do and attempt to finish it in the fastest possible way. This would only result in the cutting short of our learning experience. What good would school be if we got promoted from the 1st standard to the 12th standard? We would miss out on all those important things that we have to learn along the way. We would miss out on all the experiences that life has to offer us.
Nobody, after seeing heaven wants to be on earth. But if one has to grow smarter and be the experienced people that we should be, then we should take life slowly and steadily, taking advantage of every opportunity that comes our way and tapping it to the maximum of its available potential.
Life is beautiful and instead of wasting it on figuring out why we are here, lets make the best of it and try to discover as much as possible and read books and watch movies and make friends and spread peace and do everything possible to enhance the exquisiteness of our inner selves. Lets move like the tortoise who won in the end through life’s expedition without hurrying through anything knowing that once our lifes purpose is accomplished, we can be rest assured that we will be going back to the heavens! Or wherever we came from.
What is the purpose of our life? Why are we here on this earth? When and will we ever know the purpose of our life?
I’ve always had this primeval long standing theory that we come to earth as part of a journey. Earth is our learning stop. Just like we drive cars and stop for fuel to go on. Earth is like that for us. We are all souls who choose that we want to come into the world and choose our family and friends. And then we come to earth with a purpose. And once we are finished with that, we go back to the heavens. Or wherever we came from.
Before we come to the earth, we are given a purpose in life. God tells us why we need to go to earth. So in a way, yes we do know why we are here. But the predicament is, we cant remember why!
I know that may sound a bit bizarre. But lets contemplate over it a bit more. Now god tells us why he needs us to go to earth. And its up to us to complete our mission.
Now why is it that we cant remember what our purpose is? The reason is, if we did remember why we came onto earth we would finish our purpose really hastily and wish to go back to heaven.
Heaven! This is the only word in the world that may possibly have no accurate definition. Heaven to me is this striking place where everything is right and we can live the way we want and do the things we want not having to fret about anything. We can be assured of the almighty’s unconditional love for us. He is always there to talk to us and make everything just perfect. Heaven according to me is the most perfect place and we all come to earth from there. We all look at earth as a school like I mentioned earlier. So when we are in heaven and everything is just perfect, no body wants to come to earth. But we have to if we want to learn. And this is where we choose our families and everything else. Now before coming to earth, we are aware of our purpose. But once we are on earth, that memory gets expunged along with all other memories of heaven and of talking to and being with God. Now its up to us to draw nearer to him and recognize him as the most highest. If we knew of our purpose in life, we would want to finish it quickly and go back to heaven. We would wake up every morning knowing what we have to do and attempt to finish it in the fastest possible way. This would only result in the cutting short of our learning experience. What good would school be if we got promoted from the 1st standard to the 12th standard? We would miss out on all those important things that we have to learn along the way. We would miss out on all the experiences that life has to offer us.
Nobody, after seeing heaven wants to be on earth. But if one has to grow smarter and be the experienced people that we should be, then we should take life slowly and steadily, taking advantage of every opportunity that comes our way and tapping it to the maximum of its available potential.
Life is beautiful and instead of wasting it on figuring out why we are here, lets make the best of it and try to discover as much as possible and read books and watch movies and make friends and spread peace and do everything possible to enhance the exquisiteness of our inner selves. Lets move like the tortoise who won in the end through life’s expedition without hurrying through anything knowing that once our lifes purpose is accomplished, we can be rest assured that we will be going back to the heavens! Or wherever we came from.
Do soul mates really exist?
This has got to be something we have all spend at least some time of our lives thinking about. But do we have the answer? Do soul mates really exist? If they do, will we ever find them? Will we be happy with them? Is happiness confined to one person? Can one person have just one soul mate?
These are questions that really have no answer or have a lot of more unanswered sub questions. One cannot help but ponder over them. It is indeed fascinating as to how something so specific can turn into something so vague? Is the need to find your soul mate an excuse to keep the hope for a perfect relationship alive? To keep going and to keep growing strong? Is it just a figment of our imagination? Does the mind’s eye look beyond the perfect relationship? Can we accept the imperfections in our soul mate and yet call him a soul mate? Would he even be a soul mate then?
Firstly, what are soul mates? A soul mate is a different soul yet similar in ways more than one. A soul mate is one who integrates with your soul so as to share your thoughts feelings and understanding and coping with your way of life and yet being able to find happiness in what you do. Your soul mate is the one who makes you feel easy and comfortable and strong. Another soul on the same wave length as you are. So knowing what soul mates are, the question now is, can we find them if they exist?
Well what I’ve always felt is that soul mates do exist. But I don’t know if we always find them, We being some of us. A reading I had done once ages ago told me that we chose everything in life. God puts the options in front of us. And it’s our will and it’s our free will. We chose what we want. Right or wrong, the choice is ours. If we desire right, one cannot imagine the extensive gain but a wrong choice compels us to face the dire consequences. Consequence is a negative word for me. How can there be good consequences? They wouldn’t be called consequences then! We chose our happiness. Happiness lies in so many things that once again we opt for like family, friends, lifestyle, career etc etc.
Yes surprising as that may sound, we chose our family. Before we are born, its our soul that decides. We are all souls. And coming to earth is like a really long lecture in a really far off school. We come to earth to learn and once we learn and complete our life’s mission or purpose, we go back to being souls again. Its during the initial stages of our soul existence that we chose our families or the people that matter. And yes once again, its our choice! The concept of free will is a little hard to understand. For me at least. A free will can have so many definitions yet so few.
Now let me get one thing straight. A soul mate is not confined to a single person. What I feel is that an individual can have more than one soul mate and this soul mate doesn’t necessarily have to be a love interest. Suppose u get along great with your dad, and share the same experiences and thoughts and perceptions and a handful more, I say that by all means your dad can be your soul mate!
Once we enter the dating game, we enter a different league all together. Then suddenly everything and everyone seems so different. And hence we search our soul mate in the motley of people around us. I always say variety is the spice of life and what variety we have. And seriously, life is nothing without something spicy and something out of the ordinary. So now you may ask me, what if I don’t have some one like that? The answer is, sure you do! You just havent found him/her yet. I do believe that there is some one for everyone but I don’t know whether happiness is guaranteed and confined to that one person. So its quite possible that you may find some who ends up being your life partner and you just cant seem to find your happiness with that person! So naturally, he cant be your soul mate! So do you go out there and search for your soul mate? Well I don’t know if searching has been the solution for decades because nothing can be that easy right? Maybe we just have to wait for our soul mate to come to us. And what if he doesn’t? Well, of course he/she will at some point and some form in your life. It’s up to you to recognize and accept the person. Many a times we don’t know what we have until it’s gone and many a times the perfect person is in front of us but we shun them away either cause of the futile attempts to recognize them or cause they seemed too good to be true. If something seems too good to be true, it probably is. But then isn’t this the time when the saying comes to mind, “nothing is perfect or no one is perfect”.
Gosh this life sure is mystifying. I’ve concluded a lot of things. One is that yes, everyone does have a soul mate but not necessarily in the same form! Yes we will find our soul mate but it is up to us to recognize the soul mate. The options are laid down in front of us and it’s our free will and our decision to make. Yes, our soul mate will bring us happiness. So next time you think about a soul mate, think for a minute if you have some one who is closer than close to you. Think of all the people you know and think of the one that makes you the happiest. All of us have at least someone whom we can look up to or look beside and know that the person will be there no matter what! And if you don’t, then just be patient. Your soul mate is probably on his/her way booking tickets just to be near you whether you know it or not ;)
These are questions that really have no answer or have a lot of more unanswered sub questions. One cannot help but ponder over them. It is indeed fascinating as to how something so specific can turn into something so vague? Is the need to find your soul mate an excuse to keep the hope for a perfect relationship alive? To keep going and to keep growing strong? Is it just a figment of our imagination? Does the mind’s eye look beyond the perfect relationship? Can we accept the imperfections in our soul mate and yet call him a soul mate? Would he even be a soul mate then?
Firstly, what are soul mates? A soul mate is a different soul yet similar in ways more than one. A soul mate is one who integrates with your soul so as to share your thoughts feelings and understanding and coping with your way of life and yet being able to find happiness in what you do. Your soul mate is the one who makes you feel easy and comfortable and strong. Another soul on the same wave length as you are. So knowing what soul mates are, the question now is, can we find them if they exist?
Well what I’ve always felt is that soul mates do exist. But I don’t know if we always find them, We being some of us. A reading I had done once ages ago told me that we chose everything in life. God puts the options in front of us. And it’s our will and it’s our free will. We chose what we want. Right or wrong, the choice is ours. If we desire right, one cannot imagine the extensive gain but a wrong choice compels us to face the dire consequences. Consequence is a negative word for me. How can there be good consequences? They wouldn’t be called consequences then! We chose our happiness. Happiness lies in so many things that once again we opt for like family, friends, lifestyle, career etc etc.
Yes surprising as that may sound, we chose our family. Before we are born, its our soul that decides. We are all souls. And coming to earth is like a really long lecture in a really far off school. We come to earth to learn and once we learn and complete our life’s mission or purpose, we go back to being souls again. Its during the initial stages of our soul existence that we chose our families or the people that matter. And yes once again, its our choice! The concept of free will is a little hard to understand. For me at least. A free will can have so many definitions yet so few.
Now let me get one thing straight. A soul mate is not confined to a single person. What I feel is that an individual can have more than one soul mate and this soul mate doesn’t necessarily have to be a love interest. Suppose u get along great with your dad, and share the same experiences and thoughts and perceptions and a handful more, I say that by all means your dad can be your soul mate!
Once we enter the dating game, we enter a different league all together. Then suddenly everything and everyone seems so different. And hence we search our soul mate in the motley of people around us. I always say variety is the spice of life and what variety we have. And seriously, life is nothing without something spicy and something out of the ordinary. So now you may ask me, what if I don’t have some one like that? The answer is, sure you do! You just havent found him/her yet. I do believe that there is some one for everyone but I don’t know whether happiness is guaranteed and confined to that one person. So its quite possible that you may find some who ends up being your life partner and you just cant seem to find your happiness with that person! So naturally, he cant be your soul mate! So do you go out there and search for your soul mate? Well I don’t know if searching has been the solution for decades because nothing can be that easy right? Maybe we just have to wait for our soul mate to come to us. And what if he doesn’t? Well, of course he/she will at some point and some form in your life. It’s up to you to recognize and accept the person. Many a times we don’t know what we have until it’s gone and many a times the perfect person is in front of us but we shun them away either cause of the futile attempts to recognize them or cause they seemed too good to be true. If something seems too good to be true, it probably is. But then isn’t this the time when the saying comes to mind, “nothing is perfect or no one is perfect”.
Gosh this life sure is mystifying. I’ve concluded a lot of things. One is that yes, everyone does have a soul mate but not necessarily in the same form! Yes we will find our soul mate but it is up to us to recognize the soul mate. The options are laid down in front of us and it’s our free will and our decision to make. Yes, our soul mate will bring us happiness. So next time you think about a soul mate, think for a minute if you have some one who is closer than close to you. Think of all the people you know and think of the one that makes you the happiest. All of us have at least someone whom we can look up to or look beside and know that the person will be there no matter what! And if you don’t, then just be patient. Your soul mate is probably on his/her way booking tickets just to be near you whether you know it or not ;)
Saturday, November 15, 2008
Adversity long gone...
Well, after an extremely extensive break, ive finally decided to update my blog.
Now even though I have no one special to thank for this decision, I cant refrain from mentioning the importance of the love of my life in all of this! Minky aka Prani aka Praneeta aka many other things lol, has enthused this blog shit in me! And how I love her for it!
It was back in the days when we lived in the same country! Lol, well prani im going to dedicate an entire blog post just for you and our undying eternal love! You deserve it.
Trying not to be too random and muddled up in my order of content, it is mandatory that I tell those of you interested how my state of education/so called college life is progressing.
Well progressing is a rather strong word with regard to the present circumstances which I will detail in a bit! After my last depressing post, and that oath I had taken, a new found power had engulfed me. That same feeling you get when you crave something bad enough to kill for it. And what lengths one goes to get there! Well I don’t know what length I went, but I did accomplish my ultimate ambition anyway! To an extent atleast. Which is why I mentioned that progress would be a strong word.
A little more clarity in my lexis would give away that I did make friends, and good friends and best friends! And I did prove whatever I wanted to. And people know me now. Not that it was the ultimate goal of my life. Well it was. Until I saw what my college was like. Lol. Now need I say more?
Looks like a little filling in is so necessary for you less educated ones…
So what defines cool in my college? Read on…
1. Having more than one friend.
2. Speaking Marathi.
3. Having friends who speak Marathi.
4. Sitting in college till dusk and even after dusk pretending like your really busy.
5. Knowing where every person can be found in any corner of the college.
6. NOT eating canteen food cause its so uncool.
7. Wearing new clothes atleast once in three days. (lol seriously)
8. Having all the notes from all the professors.
9. Studying from them.
10. Not sharing your notes with anybody even if they ask you and you are holding it in front of their face.
11. Playing “Fifa 07” on the class projector.
12. Having an orkut account. (the ultimate definition of cool)
13. Using your orkut account in class and projecting it on the screen so that the whole class can see how cool you are. Lol
14. Going to hang out at the “open canteen”
15. Being over friendly with the canteen walla and calling him “anna” just because he sells south Indian food. Lol
16. Knowing MS OFFICE like the back of your hand.
17. Being a “cell member”
18. Being over friendly with seniors.
19. Thinking the computer lab is the coolest place after the planetarium.
20. Attending every single class and refusing to proxy your attendance.
Well of course theres more. Naturally im bored and tired by now! Lol
Now that I have declared how “cool” I am, maybe I need to elaborate on how you all need to stay away from me! Lol atleast for the next two years and until im done “being cool”
I definitely donot want you all to suffer the way you all did after reading Praneeta’s ridiculously rubbish and extensively long blog by writing long and complex sentences assuming that each one of you has the time and patience to actually read and then congratulate my efforts of being overly smart and filled with the power of general knowledge and current affairs knowledge about unnecessary things like life in Romania and the nuclear war in Czechoslovakia which never happened now that ive a new found career line… umm never mind. The above is why im ending my blog entry here! LOL
Sorry Prani.
Cheerz
Now even though I have no one special to thank for this decision, I cant refrain from mentioning the importance of the love of my life in all of this! Minky aka Prani aka Praneeta aka many other things lol, has enthused this blog shit in me! And how I love her for it!
It was back in the days when we lived in the same country! Lol, well prani im going to dedicate an entire blog post just for you and our undying eternal love! You deserve it.
Trying not to be too random and muddled up in my order of content, it is mandatory that I tell those of you interested how my state of education/so called college life is progressing.
Well progressing is a rather strong word with regard to the present circumstances which I will detail in a bit! After my last depressing post, and that oath I had taken, a new found power had engulfed me. That same feeling you get when you crave something bad enough to kill for it. And what lengths one goes to get there! Well I don’t know what length I went, but I did accomplish my ultimate ambition anyway! To an extent atleast. Which is why I mentioned that progress would be a strong word.
A little more clarity in my lexis would give away that I did make friends, and good friends and best friends! And I did prove whatever I wanted to. And people know me now. Not that it was the ultimate goal of my life. Well it was. Until I saw what my college was like. Lol. Now need I say more?
Looks like a little filling in is so necessary for you less educated ones…
So what defines cool in my college? Read on…
1. Having more than one friend.
2. Speaking Marathi.
3. Having friends who speak Marathi.
4. Sitting in college till dusk and even after dusk pretending like your really busy.
5. Knowing where every person can be found in any corner of the college.
6. NOT eating canteen food cause its so uncool.
7. Wearing new clothes atleast once in three days. (lol seriously)
8. Having all the notes from all the professors.
9. Studying from them.
10. Not sharing your notes with anybody even if they ask you and you are holding it in front of their face.
11. Playing “Fifa 07” on the class projector.
12. Having an orkut account. (the ultimate definition of cool)
13. Using your orkut account in class and projecting it on the screen so that the whole class can see how cool you are. Lol
14. Going to hang out at the “open canteen”
15. Being over friendly with the canteen walla and calling him “anna” just because he sells south Indian food. Lol
16. Knowing MS OFFICE like the back of your hand.
17. Being a “cell member”
18. Being over friendly with seniors.
19. Thinking the computer lab is the coolest place after the planetarium.
20. Attending every single class and refusing to proxy your attendance.
Well of course theres more. Naturally im bored and tired by now! Lol
Now that I have declared how “cool” I am, maybe I need to elaborate on how you all need to stay away from me! Lol atleast for the next two years and until im done “being cool”
I definitely donot want you all to suffer the way you all did after reading Praneeta’s ridiculously rubbish and extensively long blog by writing long and complex sentences assuming that each one of you has the time and patience to actually read and then congratulate my efforts of being overly smart and filled with the power of general knowledge and current affairs knowledge about unnecessary things like life in Romania and the nuclear war in Czechoslovakia which never happened now that ive a new found career line… umm never mind. The above is why im ending my blog entry here! LOL
Sorry Prani.
Cheerz
Saturday, September 13, 2008
OK my fellow earthlings. What do I say? Im back with more news and more boring stories than you’ll ever imagine!!
LOL blogging is actually fun. As long as no one is reading it that is! Ahh my online diary, mayst thou always be-est at my side-eth. No I shall not translate that into social animal comprehensive lingo.
Anyways, more importantly, I shall try not to deviate from the topic of interest, which I am about to natter about. Obviously you guys know the name and please no stale jokes about it! Its so lame and annoying. Seriously do you guys lack this certain attribute called humour? Fine given most of you are pathetically unfunny (if that’s even English), atleast can ull be decent about it?? In simple English, keep the corniness with yourself. U might just need it when u get urself in a sticky situation which I really hope will happen sometime soon simply because u even …. Ahh never mind peeps.
Back to my so called institution. Where do I start? Definitely not with the pathetic crowd!! Firstly I was late to college! Secondly, besides being afraid of not being able to cope with the super smart ppl I thought I would encounter, I also pretty much tortured myself thinking that I would never make friends. Needless to say, I was right. Not surprisingly, when I entered my class for the first time I was absolutely dumb struck. Shocked in dismay is more like it! I never ever thought at some point in my life I would end up sharing educational space with absolutely pitiable people. No offence to any of my future friends from class who might end up reading this. Lol. Whatever it is, I was never this scared. I just could not make friends. Everyone seemed so cold and hostile. How was I ever going to adjust in such a place? Me Shereen, the funniest girl in class, the life of the class, the class clown?? How how how? I could not imagine cracking a joke ever! Well I thought maybe there would be some decent guy to look at at least. Or even strike a decent conversation. I could expect that much being in an MBA institute where the ultra requisite would have to be good communication skills, a very mandatory thing for me!! What I look for I mean. Well unfortunately, I was in for a big miserable dismal poignant shock!! The men were like a geek Indian lower middle class mind freak clan! Rotfl. Just great! No offence of course. But how could this have happened. I was absolutely dying to get in. and naturally given the course of events, now that I was in, I just had to get out!! The people were sad, lifeless, boring, unreceptive, unwelcoming, unfunny and the list can go on till I figure out how that time machine I invented works!
Without a doubt, I had the worst first day at college ever. Dint make any friends. And as is expected, weeks have passed, im still lonely and friendless and still haven’t shown people my real talents, still haven’t cracked my “rotfl” type super funny class jokes, still haven’t lit up the hallways with my presence (that is a bit over the top innit?but who cares!!), still don’t have the most popular group and the coolest friends and still am not the most popular girl in college! Im definitely going to make my comeback… with a little more weight this time lol! I think its only a matter of time until I rule! Hahahahaha! I do have to start from scratch. Build the sand castle all the way to the top! And keep those waves off of it!
I have taken an oath… “I, shereen dsouza, shall not post in my blog again, until, I feel that people have begun to notice me and until I havent made my presence felt!!”
With this, I end my post!
LOL blogging is actually fun. As long as no one is reading it that is! Ahh my online diary, mayst thou always be-est at my side-eth. No I shall not translate that into social animal comprehensive lingo.
Anyways, more importantly, I shall try not to deviate from the topic of interest, which I am about to natter about. Obviously you guys know the name and please no stale jokes about it! Its so lame and annoying. Seriously do you guys lack this certain attribute called humour? Fine given most of you are pathetically unfunny (if that’s even English), atleast can ull be decent about it?? In simple English, keep the corniness with yourself. U might just need it when u get urself in a sticky situation which I really hope will happen sometime soon simply because u even …. Ahh never mind peeps.
Back to my so called institution. Where do I start? Definitely not with the pathetic crowd!! Firstly I was late to college! Secondly, besides being afraid of not being able to cope with the super smart ppl I thought I would encounter, I also pretty much tortured myself thinking that I would never make friends. Needless to say, I was right. Not surprisingly, when I entered my class for the first time I was absolutely dumb struck. Shocked in dismay is more like it! I never ever thought at some point in my life I would end up sharing educational space with absolutely pitiable people. No offence to any of my future friends from class who might end up reading this. Lol. Whatever it is, I was never this scared. I just could not make friends. Everyone seemed so cold and hostile. How was I ever going to adjust in such a place? Me Shereen, the funniest girl in class, the life of the class, the class clown?? How how how? I could not imagine cracking a joke ever! Well I thought maybe there would be some decent guy to look at at least. Or even strike a decent conversation. I could expect that much being in an MBA institute where the ultra requisite would have to be good communication skills, a very mandatory thing for me!! What I look for I mean. Well unfortunately, I was in for a big miserable dismal poignant shock!! The men were like a geek Indian lower middle class mind freak clan! Rotfl. Just great! No offence of course. But how could this have happened. I was absolutely dying to get in. and naturally given the course of events, now that I was in, I just had to get out!! The people were sad, lifeless, boring, unreceptive, unwelcoming, unfunny and the list can go on till I figure out how that time machine I invented works!
Without a doubt, I had the worst first day at college ever. Dint make any friends. And as is expected, weeks have passed, im still lonely and friendless and still haven’t shown people my real talents, still haven’t cracked my “rotfl” type super funny class jokes, still haven’t lit up the hallways with my presence (that is a bit over the top innit?but who cares!!), still don’t have the most popular group and the coolest friends and still am not the most popular girl in college! Im definitely going to make my comeback… with a little more weight this time lol! I think its only a matter of time until I rule! Hahahahaha! I do have to start from scratch. Build the sand castle all the way to the top! And keep those waves off of it!
I have taken an oath… “I, shereen dsouza, shall not post in my blog again, until, I feel that people have begun to notice me and until I havent made my presence felt!!”
With this, I end my post!
Saturday, July 12, 2008
Yayy the second blog entry
I did not think initially that this would be a good idea. But I stand corrected now.
Anyways, I feel a whole lot better now since ive found things to keep myself busy with. Besides writing, ive decided that art is what ive always wanted to do… and what better time to do it than now??
So naturally, I got myself charcoal pencils and conte crayons and I must declare, the result was pretty amazing. Even if I say so myself. Lol
For most of my life, ive been petrified to do what I love. I always feared people would either judge me or laugh at me. Like drawing or singing for example. Ive loved to draw for as long as I can remember and when I was young I used to win all the time. When I got older I used to see such pretty drawings and when I compared mine with those, I felt small. And embarrassed. And ashamed. And then I decided I would never draw for the simple reason that I thought I was incapable. Even singing for that matter. I was too shy and ashamed. And now I regret it. Which is why, ive decided I don’t care what the rest of the world thinks and im going to draw and draw and draw.
I think ive stepped beyond the nascent stage of my adversity. And I feel wonderful. Well not that much. But I feel great knowing that im going to feel great sooner than I thought. If u know what I mean! My friends have been so supportive and I love all of you.
I did not think initially that this would be a good idea. But I stand corrected now.
Anyways, I feel a whole lot better now since ive found things to keep myself busy with. Besides writing, ive decided that art is what ive always wanted to do… and what better time to do it than now??
So naturally, I got myself charcoal pencils and conte crayons and I must declare, the result was pretty amazing. Even if I say so myself. Lol
For most of my life, ive been petrified to do what I love. I always feared people would either judge me or laugh at me. Like drawing or singing for example. Ive loved to draw for as long as I can remember and when I was young I used to win all the time. When I got older I used to see such pretty drawings and when I compared mine with those, I felt small. And embarrassed. And ashamed. And then I decided I would never draw for the simple reason that I thought I was incapable. Even singing for that matter. I was too shy and ashamed. And now I regret it. Which is why, ive decided I don’t care what the rest of the world thinks and im going to draw and draw and draw.
I think ive stepped beyond the nascent stage of my adversity. And I feel wonderful. Well not that much. But I feel great knowing that im going to feel great sooner than I thought. If u know what I mean! My friends have been so supportive and I love all of you.
Wednesday, July 9, 2008
Crossing through Adversity...
Hey
Im actually bad at writing. But i thought i really needed to write this one. I think writing relieves frustration.
U know, ive been wanting a hobby for a long time. I thought drawing was the resort, but unfortunately i still have to purchase some charcoal pencils and contre crayons!! Lol so obviosly ull will have to bear me till i find somethin better to do.
Anyways, there is so much going on in my life and i cant seem to be able to explain it to anyone anymore. For that matter i cant explain it to myself. Im so lost for words and lost in toughts. That sounded weird!! Lol. But whatever. Im majorly frustrated and annoyed and mind fucked with a lot of things. And worse, i dont know where to start.
Fuck knows.its irritating to the limit and its making me go mad. And why am i even taking all this shit and blowing up my mental stress. It is not as simple as it sounds. Its far more complicated than that. The complications are secondary though. I am primary here. Lol.
I know im deviating and most of this sounds like crap but im just writing in any random order and this is helping me get my frustration out on email atleast. So whether u like it or not, read it! Lol
In this past year ive learned so much. And i find myself changing. This again is another reason for my frustration. I feel like im losing my self. I used to be fun and funny and outgoing and so much more.i find all that has changed. I cant see all that in myself any more. What i see is a sad, miserable, lonesome, boring and lethargic person. Something i never wanted to see myself becoming. Ive dreaded these traits for most of my life and now i feel like im drowning into this body of horrible things, i cant even start to describe this. I feel like im losing all my friends. Like im going to be left alone and i cant imagine dealing or getting through life by myself. I know u all are there for me. But i just cant explain it. I feel like im growing up and i dont wana feel this way. I remember feeling like there was no difference between the shereen i was in 8th standard and the shereen i was in second year. And now i dont feel like that person anymore. I do want to grow up but i want my friends to know that im growing up and i want to keep them and i dont want things to change. Im so tired of losing friends and making friends and the whole vicious cycle. And now whats scaring me is when i start my MBA itll be like starting from scratch. Il be back to square one. New place, new college, new people, new friends, no special companion... and all of that. And it frightens me cuz i dont want to go back. I think what im most scared of is being alone or being bored.
I cant imagine life in Pune without Atif and praneeta and karishma and all of the people ive left behind in college. And i dont want to leave pune. I feel so trapped. Maybe i need a time machine. Lol i think this a sign that i need to watch a shitty movie like Love story 2050 lol.
The conclusion is, as random as it sounds, im lonely, boring, lazy, fat, frustrated, friendless, jobless . i have nothing to look forward to. And no one to walk with. I hope i come up with a solution soon enough.
Ive learned that i cant leave anything to destiny.we make our own destiny. And all that crap about waiting for the right guy to come to u is all gibberish. Nothing in life comes to us. Nothing. We have to go out into the horrible world and fucking beg for it. If u know what i mean.
Change is imminent. And neither i nor anyone else can avoid it. But i need to find out if theres a way that the change can work in my favour. I guess its all about being positive. I used to write poems when i was depressed. Ive lost that touch now. I cant seem to write for shit.
When things are going wrong and u cant seem to get outta it, the feeling is horrible right? Thats what i feel and thats what i dont want to feel. Maybe this was bound to happen.ive been so happy in life for too long. God has been so generous to me. For so many years now. And frankly ive never felt this shitty for years now. Maybe this is his way of testing me and maybe all i need to do is be patient knowing that time will heal. But i cant.its just so darn hard. For so many years in my life now ive been living a dream. Ive had everythin ive dreamed of. A nice house, a great family, freedom, loving friends, the worlds best boyfriend (ex i guess now lol), all the material advantages. Ive had everything. But im losing it all one by one. And its scary. I want to live the life ive been living for the past year. The most amazing life ever.
U know what i really want. The same house, the same friends, the same boyfriend, the same college. The same everything.
So much for the trials and tribulations of Shereen the great. Well not so great anymore. Maybe this change is good for me. Being positive cant harm me right. Your damn right, it cant!!!
Hey, i think i feel better already :). I think ive decided im sticking to this newfound hobby of mine. I already feel the old shereen coming back.
Theres more to come, of course.
Cheerz
Im actually bad at writing. But i thought i really needed to write this one. I think writing relieves frustration.
U know, ive been wanting a hobby for a long time. I thought drawing was the resort, but unfortunately i still have to purchase some charcoal pencils and contre crayons!! Lol so obviosly ull will have to bear me till i find somethin better to do.
Anyways, there is so much going on in my life and i cant seem to be able to explain it to anyone anymore. For that matter i cant explain it to myself. Im so lost for words and lost in toughts. That sounded weird!! Lol. But whatever. Im majorly frustrated and annoyed and mind fucked with a lot of things. And worse, i dont know where to start.
Fuck knows.its irritating to the limit and its making me go mad. And why am i even taking all this shit and blowing up my mental stress. It is not as simple as it sounds. Its far more complicated than that. The complications are secondary though. I am primary here. Lol.
I know im deviating and most of this sounds like crap but im just writing in any random order and this is helping me get my frustration out on email atleast. So whether u like it or not, read it! Lol
In this past year ive learned so much. And i find myself changing. This again is another reason for my frustration. I feel like im losing my self. I used to be fun and funny and outgoing and so much more.i find all that has changed. I cant see all that in myself any more. What i see is a sad, miserable, lonesome, boring and lethargic person. Something i never wanted to see myself becoming. Ive dreaded these traits for most of my life and now i feel like im drowning into this body of horrible things, i cant even start to describe this. I feel like im losing all my friends. Like im going to be left alone and i cant imagine dealing or getting through life by myself. I know u all are there for me. But i just cant explain it. I feel like im growing up and i dont wana feel this way. I remember feeling like there was no difference between the shereen i was in 8th standard and the shereen i was in second year. And now i dont feel like that person anymore. I do want to grow up but i want my friends to know that im growing up and i want to keep them and i dont want things to change. Im so tired of losing friends and making friends and the whole vicious cycle. And now whats scaring me is when i start my MBA itll be like starting from scratch. Il be back to square one. New place, new college, new people, new friends, no special companion... and all of that. And it frightens me cuz i dont want to go back. I think what im most scared of is being alone or being bored.
I cant imagine life in Pune without Atif and praneeta and karishma and all of the people ive left behind in college. And i dont want to leave pune. I feel so trapped. Maybe i need a time machine. Lol i think this a sign that i need to watch a shitty movie like Love story 2050 lol.
The conclusion is, as random as it sounds, im lonely, boring, lazy, fat, frustrated, friendless, jobless . i have nothing to look forward to. And no one to walk with. I hope i come up with a solution soon enough.
Ive learned that i cant leave anything to destiny.we make our own destiny. And all that crap about waiting for the right guy to come to u is all gibberish. Nothing in life comes to us. Nothing. We have to go out into the horrible world and fucking beg for it. If u know what i mean.
Change is imminent. And neither i nor anyone else can avoid it. But i need to find out if theres a way that the change can work in my favour. I guess its all about being positive. I used to write poems when i was depressed. Ive lost that touch now. I cant seem to write for shit.
When things are going wrong and u cant seem to get outta it, the feeling is horrible right? Thats what i feel and thats what i dont want to feel. Maybe this was bound to happen.ive been so happy in life for too long. God has been so generous to me. For so many years now. And frankly ive never felt this shitty for years now. Maybe this is his way of testing me and maybe all i need to do is be patient knowing that time will heal. But i cant.its just so darn hard. For so many years in my life now ive been living a dream. Ive had everythin ive dreamed of. A nice house, a great family, freedom, loving friends, the worlds best boyfriend (ex i guess now lol), all the material advantages. Ive had everything. But im losing it all one by one. And its scary. I want to live the life ive been living for the past year. The most amazing life ever.
U know what i really want. The same house, the same friends, the same boyfriend, the same college. The same everything.
So much for the trials and tribulations of Shereen the great. Well not so great anymore. Maybe this change is good for me. Being positive cant harm me right. Your damn right, it cant!!!
Hey, i think i feel better already :). I think ive decided im sticking to this newfound hobby of mine. I already feel the old shereen coming back.
Theres more to come, of course.
Cheerz
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